11:15

p thank you for being there yesterday, for being there all along.

it's strange how our emotional world has a life of it's own, how each day is different and you can't predict what will emerge from that place; for instance today is another difficult one - this one brought about just because i miss him - profoundly - i miss what he meant to me and the feeling of intimacy, and of what was good in him;
and i'm so sad that he'll never be a part of my life, ever; and that he never trusted me enough to share the pain/difficulty that i could see he was struggling with
.
but one thing i have learned is that it is possible to navigate that emotional world, with your actions and your thoughts,
and that it's such a complex choreography of both willing things and letting go