the cockroach in the chair

and we need to get back to the bigger question you were asking tonight, of why the cockroach? the cockroach wants to hide, wants protection and the dark. but how did it become a cockroach in the first place? how do you go from shy, sensitive, introspective to feelings of being abject, repulsive, grotesque, ugly inadequate? that's a huge jump. where the hell did that come from? tell me.