surrender

clarification

i have to clarify - the charts below were done as part of a group therapy assignment to write the story of your life, and mine resulted in a number of these things below, and ended in an illustrator chart [that's not up because it won't upload properly]. i approached the problem with dread, thinking it would be boring, and also because i was always afraid to confront the past. It actually turned out to be pretty powerful, trying to look at where you've come from, and map it out, and see what patterns emerge.

and it's part of this therapy which goes into the emotional, and that, together with the cognitive behavioral stuff, seems to be helping. but there's no doubt it's scary, because you don't know where it's going to take you...

separation

still such a challenge. how can i hate that part of them without losing all of them?

story of my life first draft

pop psych

p - i was thinking about something that sort of related to what you were talking about re. information overload.
coming from my recent looking at popular psychology [because Joan [Lady] keeps giving me things to look at that may have been popular in the 80's or 90's; and at the same time i've been reading things which were more fashionable in the 40's and 50's; and when i look them all up in wikip; they're often dismissed, or they say that people don't talk about these people any more; so my initial reaction is to dismiss; but then i have to remember that 'unfashionable' doesn't necessarily mean bad. and that this field is so nuanced and that even though it's true that some things fall out of fashion because they're truly not effective, or they're really horrible [lobotomies and those regression things from the 80s'], but some fall out of fashion because they lose a charismatic figurehead; or they simply morph into other forms. And then i was trying to think about what's popular now, and without doing any research i thought it might be that 'GTD' movement [remember - 'getting things done'? which comes out of , i think, getting organized in an environment of information overload, but it's imbued with life philosophy, and it's coming from the computer geek world - it's like the equivalent of ' 7 habits of highly successful people' books.


and re. the psychology, there seems to be a really really fine line between the therapists who can transform, and the crackpots.

the cockroach in the chair

and we need to get back to the bigger question you were asking tonight, of why the cockroach? the cockroach wants to hide, wants protection and the dark. but how did it become a cockroach in the first place? how do you go from shy, sensitive, introspective to feelings of being abject, repulsive, grotesque, ugly inadequate? that's a huge jump. where the hell did that come from? tell me.